Invalid., c/o : kavita jalan.,

“These people are not fit to be parents, they lack the…….”, once again the words of the defense lawyer were drowned by his thoughts. Once again Goyal Shah found himself lost in his doubts, in the miseries of his confusion. Three years ago he would have never even imagined that he would be sitting in a court, fighting for a little soul who he would be responsible for. Being parents again at the age of 65 wouldn’t be an easy task, God knows it had not been a piece of cake the first time. But he had never realized the magnitude of his actions the day he had dragged his son – in – law to the court to get custody of his only grandchild. All he knew that day was that he owed it to his daughter, his only pride and joy in life. He owed it to her to protect her daughter, even though he hadn’t been able to protect his own. He remembered the first day Meeta had got Suresh to meet them. The radiance on her face and the brightness of her smile yet haunted him, if only he wouldn’t have been blinded by his love for her and had stopped her from marrying that cold hearted Suresh. If only he had…..
“Mr. Shah, Mr. Shah”, he looked up and saw his lawyer sitting next to him gesturing him to take the stand. He stood up and walked towards the stand. Only a few feet away and yet it seemed like he was being weighed down with the weight of the entire world. His feet were moving slowly, waiting for a miracle to happen by the time he reached the stand, but life was not that generous; it was not going to grant him his wishes that easily, he would have to fight for them like the rest of the world.
The complacent defense lawyer, a very well known shark, Mr. Dilip Vardha looked directly in his eyes and asked him,
“How did your daughter die, Mr. Shah?”
With fear, guilt and tiredness he answered the question very softly, “She committed suicide.”
“What? I couldn’t hear you very well.”
“I said she commited suicide”, all of a sudden finding strength in his voice Goyal replied.
“And you think you are capable of bringing up another child even though your own child committed suicide?”
“It wasn’t my fault that she killed herself. It was that man, he is the reason she is dead”, with anger that threatened to consume him Mr. Goyal got up and pointed at his son – in – law.
“There is no need to loose your temper Mr. Shah. It is known by everyone that Mr. Suresh Jain was a very loving and attentive husband. In fact, it was your daughter who had never fulfilled her duty as a wife. I even have a list of witnesses here who shall testify on how your daughter had not only cheated on her husband but also wasn’t mentally stable.”
Goyal pleaded with his eyes, “That’s not true, she wasn’t like that. I know it she wasn’t…” and his voice was once again muffled by his tears, the same way it had been happening in the past three years.
Another day in court had passed by. Goyal looked outside the window of the taxi and remembered his daughter. Nostalgic thoughts of his daughter running through the doors showing him her first report card, her first school play, the way she smiled and got anything she wanted, made his heart a little heavier. He even remembered her little questions which used to annoy him after a hard day’s work. What he wouldn’t do right now to have her ask him those questions? What he wouldn’t do only if he would once again be able to hear her voice? From no where he was drawn back into reality by his wife’s hand. He gave her a sad little smile. Rita was the only reason he had been able to get through all this. He looked at her and saw his strength in her. She had always been with him, during their days of poverty and their days of joy, through the days they had felt like love sick puppies to the days when he had been unbearable. Yes, she was his strength, he wondered what she was thinking, he had never really discussed Meeta’s death with her and yet somehow she had managed to seep some of the pain from his heart. He knew the Meeta’s death had killed a part of Rita the way it had destroyed a part of him.
As they reached home Rita got out of the taxi and saw her husband pay the taxi driver. She looked at him and realized how old he looked and all of a sudden she was aware of her own age. She wondered how they were going to take care of little Sonali, their grand daughter? Her arthritis had become worse in the past few months, getting the simple house chores done was suddenly becoming difficult, then how was she going to run after a 5 year old child? Just yesterday the doctor had told her that her bones were detoriating at a very fast pace and she would have to double the dosage of her medication to curb the rate of the disease. She had hidden this little fact from Goyal and had told him the doctor had said all was fine because she didn’t want to put any more pressure on him. This case had taken almost all of their savings and if it hadn’t been for the medical insurance that Meeta had got for them they would be in serious trouble. Her thoughts diverted to Meeta, even now her heart felt like it was being torn by a serrated knife when she thought of her beautiful daughter. She knew it was going to be difficult but they had to take care of Meeta’s little angel. They had to save her from all the evils in the world and help her get a life that her mother could never have. She remembered Meeta’s swollen eyes the day she had been crying because that imbecile Suresh had not remembered their first anniversary. How sad had Meeta been not knowing that it was only the beginning of all her troubles. It was the same after that time, every few days Meeta would come running to them and tell them about Suresh’s behaviour. The way he used to taunt her by saying that she wasn’t beautiful enough or that she wasn’t easy to live with. The way he criticized every small move she made. If only Meeta had listened to her and had left him, but no instead she had wanted to make the marriage work, if not for herself then atleast for her little daughter. But somewhere inside, Rita had known all along that this would kill her daughter someday. The small voice in head had warned her so many times, if only she would have been a little more persistent, today her daughter would be standing in front of her.
As the thoughts ran through her mind, Rita prepared the simple meal of dal, rice and cauliflower for them. It would have to be simple even when Sonali would come to live with them, she didn’t have the stamina anymore to prepare the lavish meals she had when Meeta had been a little child. Her heart went out to Sonali, not for the first time she felt pity for the little girl. “Were they fit to be parents again?” The same thought sent a shiver down Goyal’s spine, what if they wouldn’t be able to give Sonali the care she deserved? Would they be able to give her everything she needed? They weren’t 25 years old anymore, they didn’t have the strength and the patience as they once did. And it had not been easy raising Meeta. She was loving child but she had had her moments of craziness and her puberty had been a living nightmare. Would they be able to go through it again? What if they were not good enough? But he realized anything would be better then to leave Sonali with that monster Suresh, he would trample her delicate spirit just the way he had destroyed their daughter’s soul. So what if they would have to begin all over again? You don’t stop being a parent simply because you become old. What pricked his heart was that in order to give Sonali a proper life they would have to dive into the savings and property Meeta had left in the name of her daughter, because his pension money hardly covered his and his wife’s basic needs. His pride and his ego felt like they were been run over by a million bulls. But he would have to swallow his pride, he Mr. Goyal Shah who had not taken a single penny from anyone in his life, he who had always looked at adversity in its eye and never given up, for the first time in his life, he felt helpless. He felt like a little ant who had to stay each day in the fear of been crushed. He hated himself at that moment. He hated his daughter for taking her life, he hated his wife for being so understanding, he hated his dependency and most of all he hated his old age.
Three months passed and once again, Goyal found himself sitting in the same court, in front of the same judge, the same people around him and the same despairing feelings surrounded him. He was once again called on the stand, this time by his lawyer. With a lot of suaveness his lawyer began questioning him.
“Mr. Shah why do you want the guardianship of your grand daughter?”
Goyal replied with some sadness, “That man over there isn’t fit to be father, he never loved my daughter and he is never going to love his own flesh and blood. All he cares about is himself and my granddaughter deserves better.”
“But aren’t you a little too old to be a parent?”
He replied with a little bit of uncertainty, “Yes we are but we have the experience and she is only a little child she needs to be with people who love her and we can provide her with that love.”
“Thank you Mr. Shah that will be all”.
Goyal couldn’t believe his ears, that’s it? That’s all? He was paying his man through his teeth and he had given him five minutes, is that all that was needed to get his granddaughter, somehow he thought not. The Shark returned this time and dug his teeth deeper into Goyal’s skin.
“Mr. Shah isn’t it true that you wife and you live on your pension money?”
“Yes that’s true”, Goyal’s heart was beating faster than a clock, he could clearly see the direction this question was taking and shame swept over him.
“So how do you expect to raise your granddaughter on just your pension money? Having raised a child you surely must know the costs of raising a child?”
Goyal looked at his lawyer for some help but his lawyer just gave him a sickening smile encouraging him to answer, “Well we will manage somehow”, came a small reply.
“Do you know your daughter has left money and property in the name of her child?”
“Yes I do”.
“And do you know that anyone who had the guardianship of the child will have the control of the money till the child becomes an adult?”
“Yes I do”, came a small meek reply.
“So the real reason why you want the child is that after so many years of living in poverty you want to spurge a little on yourselves?”
Goyal felt his voice rising a little more then it should have. “That isn’t true I love my granddaughter and all I want to do is protect her.”
“Protect her from whom Mr. Shah? Her father, who can give her a nice secure home? A father who can provide her with the best education in this world? Or a father who is loving and caring? What can you give her? How will you take care of her all alone?”
“I am not alone I have my wife”, said Goyal all of a sudden getting his strength back by looking at his wife.
“Your wife? But she suffers from arthritis and has trouble looking after herself.”
“That’s not true she is not in such a bad condition”, replied Goyal defending his wife.
“These are her reports which are around four months old which shows the current growth of her problem. Do you actually think she is capable of looking after a five year old child?” said Dilip Vardha with a smug look on his face and produced the Xerox of the reports.
Goyal looked at his wife with a stunned expression. She had hidden all this from him, but why? Did she think he was so weak that he wouldn’t be able to help her? Is that what everyone thought of him as, just a weak old man? Had he really become that incompetent that even his wife had lost faith in him?
All Goyal remembered after that was his despair, the total annihilation of his pride, his entire life had suddenly become a joke. As if all his struggles had meant nothing. His every sadness, every sacrifice had become worthless. Later that day, the court came out with its verdict, Suresh won the battle. Goyal just sat there, emotionless. The awareness of his loss suddenly washed over him. First he had only felt it a little, and then it had started sticking its ugly head into his mind but now it was out there. His loss had confirmed it; he had become a no body. He had become a handicap. He had lost his right to hold his head up high and walk. He had become a burden. He had become the one thing he had always been afraid of becoming. He had at last become an invalid.

K.J.