PROBLEMS - PASSENGER INFORMATION c/o : sofia de lockhart.,

It is important that everything should always be spectacular, exclusive and available to everyone for a small fee. This keeps things ticking along nicely. Unfortunately, the management is unable to respond directly to any problems you are having. It seems you will have to sort them out for yourself.

It should be noted that information yielded from generations of research into science, thought and theory can be useful in solving your problems. However, such information is useful for solving only very specific problems. The problem with this is that some people are more specific than others. It is equally viable to look instead to cultural traditions, such as religion, or binge drinking, to find comfort within your own non-specific lives.

Some will declare that there are in fact no problems at all, other than those which exist inside a persons own mind/soul. Everyone knows that really these people suffer in silence, around campfires, and we humour their misguided views.

It is also very important that we do not despair. To show signs of desperation goes against the natural law of keeping up appearances, and should be viewed with extreme shame. And to be honest, it’s probably not that bad.

To see others prosper in circumstances much more adverse than our own can bring relief, and a sense of relativity. Sometimes, Business People will give large amounts of their hard earned cash for permission to do manual work, like digging ditches, and talk about spirituality at hippie communes around the country. Whilst in theory they might despise each other, both groups enjoy the benefits of this interaction. This is another example of the way things keep ticking along nicely.


Since The World offers many opportunities, it is important to find the things you like doing and do them as much as possible. Some might find they enjoy sex, sausages and shopping, whilst others prefer chess. Conversely, many people find great joy from not doing certain things. They real joy in not doing appears to come from telling other people that you are strongly against, for example, sex, sausages and shopping, and that all who follow such past times are sick/wrong. In keeping with the nature of things, the two states of mind cancel each other out electromagnetically, and prevent the ice bergs from melting, the sun from exploding and the dead rising from their graves. No one is quite sure why this occurs. Some things are best left alone.

EVERYONE should be aware that whilst we are all born as innocent children of the universe, the behaviors you display begin to define you as an individual. Behind the twitching mock-Venetian blinds nobody cares about your intentions.. Especially when Mrs Darnell from next door but one heard from the lady in the laundrette that you are nothing more than a dirty little sausage-eating sex-shopper. See the note on keeping up appearances above.
We hope this will provide you with some rough guidelines to a pleasant existence.